I'm a motivation to others????? ME?!

This morning I got a message via myspace from a friend of my sisters who I had gotten to know through the planning of my sisters shower. She actually told ME that I was motivating to HER. How crazy is that?! Who would have thought that me --- someone who has struggled with weight essentially her whole life --- would ever motivate someone else to want to lose weight. THAT helps me see just how far I've come........ Thank you, Courtney! I hope you don't mind that I include our messages back and forth!!!

This is the message I read from Courtney this morning:

----------------- Original Message -----------------
Date: Mar 30, 2008 10:57 PM
Jessica, I'm not sure if you remember me, I'm BJ's that e-mailed you millions of questions about her wedding before we got there! I was just browsing the myspace pages on my list of friends and came across yours and snuck a peak at your blogs. YOU LOOK AMAZING. I too need to fight the battle of losing weight and please let me tell you that you are an inspiration. Coming from a complete stranger, I respect you so much because I know how hard of a battle it is and you look awesome. Good job, you should be very proud of yourself. I just joined weight watchers last week, but I feel like I don't even know where to begin because I have so much weight to lose. Any tips? Congrats- you inspire me!-Courtney

Here is my reply back to her ----- which, in reflecting on it, REALLY DOES show me how far I've come and what I've learned... GO ME!!!! hehe :)


----------------- Original Message -----------------
Date: Mar 31, 2008 6:43 AM
of course I remember you and THANK YOU!!!!!! you just made my day! :) weight watchers is great for several reasons --- they do not restrict anything (so if you want to waste the points on a snickers bar - go ahead and do it - haha!) i've always done better on plans where i wasn't restricting myself from anything i wanted.

do you mind my asking how much weight you have to lose? bc BELIEVE ME --- i understand the overwhelming-ness of looking at the BIG picture... when I first started this journey back in 2006 -- i had a total of 140 lbs. to lose to reach my ultimate goal.................. NOW, CAN YOU BELIEVE I AM HALF WAY THERE??????? i am down 72lbs.! it still sucks to think that i have almost 70 more to go ---- but hell, i'm better off than i was a couple years ago at this time, right?

as far as suggestions for you --- i started seeing a nutritionist. check and see if your insurance covers it, if so - do it! she's been my life saver! she taught me how to "act, think, and eat like a naturally thin person". which is something (obviously) i never knew, since i've been overweight my whole life. some important things to try, along with counting your points through weight watchers (if you bite it, write it!) is:

- when you're eating ---- follow this order:- eat protein, protein, protein first!!!!- next eat veggies- THEN if ONLY IF you're still hungry, eat your starches (potato, rice, bread, etc.)

- allow yourself to have a "real" dessert only once a week... (every friday vinny and i go to chick-fil-a and i have a "cookies-n-creme shake" OMG! so yummy!!!!! it is my reward for having a good week............ and speaking of, if i haven't had a good week and cheated on something -- like jelly beans the week before easter... GRRRRR! then my punishment is no shake that week) the remaining nights, stick to fat-free sugar-free jello or pudding with fat free coolwhip as your something sweet! :) it's sweet and yummy AND looooooooooooooooow in calories!!!! if ever you watch "the biggest loser" trainer bob even tells his contestants to have a "cheat night" every weigh-in day --- where they can eat WHATEVER they want... he says it tricks the metabolism into thinking it is dieting (aka: starving) and therefore will not store fat.

- this one is super important: put your fork and knife down between EVERY bite and force yourself to chew it SLOWLY (in the beginning, you may even need to train yourself by counting 30 chews) the slower you eat, the LESS you eat, and the FASTER you feel full. don't worry - i know you doubt me now - i was you a few years ago - but it really does work!!!!!!!!!!! you just have to take the time to train yourself

- try not to do ANTYHING else while you're eating except think about what you're eating. ie: do not eat in front of the TV, computer, etc. or read or write anything as you're eating.

- GET YOUR BUTT MOVING!!!!!!! exercise and me have been mortal enemies for a LONG LONG LOOOOOOONG time ---- make friends with it! :) it makes a world of difference in your mood, energy level, and of course, weightloss!!!! i joined curves. it's not intimidating or overwhelming - just a bunch of women hanging out, working out, being social - and it's less than the cost of a gym membership (i pay $29/mo. bc i signed up with a special --- i think the normal rate is $39/mo. which is still great!)

- make yourself publicly accountable!!!!!!!!! i started a blog and of course have posted here on myspace as well. knowing i have people supporting and encouraging me along the way makes me make better decisions. knowing i'm posting public pictures of myself on the web, keeps me in line! if you ever want to check out my blog --- go for it: http://jameza40-weightlossjourney.blogspot.com/ maybe you want to think about starting one yourself? it really does keep you in check! ((i may include your message in one, actually - bc you totally made my day!!!!)) to know i've inspired ANYONE to do ANYTHING kind of cracks me up! hahaha - i still have not gotten used to that part of this... i HAVE been successful! i need to learn to accept complements... that's my nutritionists new things with me - instead of replying with "thanks, but i have 70lbs. more to go" i just need to stop at "thanks" and relish in the complement!

- as much as you might HATE to now... take a pic of yourself (front, side, and the dreaded back end) and in the SAME clothes - try to do that once a month. it is truly ASTOUNDING the progress you'll see and little changes REALLY keep me motivated! like lately, i've noticed muscles in my legs i haven't seen since like 10th grade! hahaha :)

anyway, that's all i can think of right now - if i think of anything else, i'll be sure to let you know! BEST OF LUCK TO YOU! :) and if ever you have any questions or anything - don't hesitate to ask!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! good luck and please keep me updated as to your progress.......

hugs, jess

ps: i know you said you've joined weight watchers, so you already know how important it is to journal your food and exercise. a great website to use along with the little booklet they give you is: www.sparkpeople.com - they give you lists and lists of food choices with exactly calories, fat, fiber, etc. and they produce charts and lots of motivational articles, etc. i LOVE that website!!!!!!! seeing what you're actually eating really is eye opening!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

March & 70 lbs.

So excited to report that I’m down over 70lbs.! :)

I have recent pics posted from our trip to Vegas last weekend, and I can definetely see a difference in my face and belly............ oh, god! that belly! UGH! hahaha -- I will do some comparison photos below with "befores" and most recent "durings" :)

I am feeling good and starting to become a lot more like the "old" confident me, I remember not so long ago! Thanks to all who have leant their support and encouragement... anyone who has been down this road knows it is NOT an easy journey.

And for the record, I am only half way done! So, don’t turn your back on me yet! I will still need all of you to help me with the home stretch! My goal is -40 by our wedding and -70 to get to my "ideal weight" (which honestly, I do not know if it is possible ---- we may adjust that as we get closer!) ;)

Here are some pics to map my progress thus far:

"before" April 2006

"Before" July 2006

"before" - October, 2006

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW, some current "durings" from March, 2008 --- check me out!!!

2008 & 60 lbs. gone!

So excited to share that as of 6:30 this morning, I am down 60.5 lbs!!!!!!!

WAAAA HOOOO!

I will post comparison photos as soon as I remember to ask Vin to take them - hopefully this weekend! (it's been TOO COLD for those shorts and a tank... but I want to keep using the same clothes until they no longer fit - to make the comparisons ring true).

YEH ME! I still have a LONG way to go (70 to get to my ultimate goal and 40 for my wedding goal). Those are VERY ambitious numbers... so we'll see how it goes! :)

Thanks to everyone for your ongoing support!

Hugs, Jess

UPDATE --- here are my pics:

50 lbs. gone!

Hey all - Just wanted to report that I hit the 50lb. off mark --- FINALLY! :)

I still have a ways to go, but this is a huge milestone I want to celebrate. I am not sure if you will "see" much different from the last pics I posted last month, but I am really starting to "feel" a bigger difference in my clothes. Which is FANTASTIC!!

What I will post is a comparison from last year at this time to current days... My face REALLY looks different!!! (I'm a lot hotter! WOO!) hehe ;)


October, 2006























September, 2007

Looking back........

HISTORY:

I was born and raised in Northeast PA. I come from somewhat of a "fairy tale" family. My parents are still together and still madly in love, my extended family attend all major events in each other's lives, I grew up in a safe small town where everyone knows your name and looks out for one another (and Vinny still can't get over that my parents don't lock their house door and it's ok to leave your keys out in your car ---- SERIOUSLY FOLKS: fairytale land!!!!!)

I had the most incredible highschool experience, I wish it on every teenager! I had the best friends and most of whom I still keep in touch with. College was awesome and I made again, some of the best friends I could have asked for. In 2002 I moved to Maryland because I could not get a teaching job in PA to save my life. Here, I had several job offers within a week! I've been teaching 4th grade at the same school every since, where I have the BEST colleagues - we're like a family and really have each other's backs!

Best part about my move? Well, shortly after moving to Maryland, I met the love of my life - Vinny - He and I have been together ever since our first date... We moved in together a couple years into our relationship and I cannot wait to see what the future holds for us!!!

I've been overweight most of my life - although it was a different kind of overweight than I've experienced in my adult life. As a child I was always a little "chubbier" than most of my friends, however - I was the most independant, self-confident little thing you'd ever run into! No one treated me poorly, called me names, or anything like that. As a teenager, I weighed about 50-75 pounds more than I should have. But I was SOOOOOO active. I was a tri-athelete in highschool, playing volleyball, basketball cheerleading/dance squad, and track and field. Although I was a size 12 (the only double digit size on the squad) I was the captain of the varsity cheerleading squad my junior and senior years of highschool. I also belonged to a dance company and danced in about 13 recitals, some of which I had solos, duets, or quad routines.

SO, what happened to me? I do not know!!! My huge Italian family filled my heart with lots of love, and my stomach with LOTS of food. I learned that when I was sad, food made me feel better - when I was happy, food made me happier - when I was angry, food calmed me - when I was bored, food gave me something to do, etc.. etc.. Same story as many overweight people have -- I lost control and gave into what soon became my addition: FOOD.

Shortly after moving away from home and beginning college, I put on a good 50-75 lbs. That now made me obese. I was no longer a "little chubby". I was FAT. I still had a lot of confidence in myself, but I was not nearly as active. I played volleyball for the 1st 2 years of college, but then quit to concentrate on my studies and student teaching. (Although, I can also say - regardless of how good I may have been - I was tired of being the "fat girl" on the team).

In college, people were not nearly as kind or accepting as they were in highschool. No one ever ridiculed me to my face... I was the funny girl - everyone's friend - someone people could always talk to, etc.. etc.. But I know people talked about me behind my back and strangers would sometimes stare rudely. My roommates would date incessantly - a different guy each weekend, etc.. etc.. I would date - but not nearly as frequently (and yes, some odd balls!). Most of my relationships were more long-term (which some would think is preferable) but I almost wished to have that fun-free dating lifestyle, but never did. I think part of that was just hanging on for dear life to someone, in case it ended and I would have no one... The "better than nothing" attitude, I suppose. Yeh, I settled. It doesn't feel good to look back at that... or think about some of the guys I "settled" with for those periods in my life... Oi!

Anyway, as time went on, I became more and more aware of my body not looking the way I wanted it to and less and less confident with people in all situations. Throughout these years of being to the point of "obesity". (I think that is such an ugly word to choke out --- ugh!) I joined and quit weight watchers countless times. I had a lot of success at different diets, then turned around and went back to my old bad habits and gained whatever I lost back and then some. I tried drugs like meridia, stacker, and other OTC diet pills... I joined gyms, I did the cabbage soup diet (ick), grapefruit diet, south beach diet, slimfast, joined nutra-system, bought 325 exercise tapes, made twenty-some new year's resolutions, started and stopped a million exercise regiments, and sooooooooooooooooooo many other things!!!!!

Then 2006 rolled around, I made up my mind - I wanted to do something about this problem once and for all. I joined the Comprehensive Obesity Management Program (COMP) at a hospital here in Baltimore. I saw a psycho-therepist twice a month for about 6 months, met with a nutritionist twice a month for about a year... trying to work through my food "issues" through memories of childhood and family, etc.. etc.. I don't know if those issues will EVER go away... I think you just need to learn to deal with them and force your instincts to shut up and make good choices dispite what you might WANT to do.

As 2006 came to a close, I was continuing "therapy" (still trying to find the root of my eating addiction, which I never did, btw) and seeing the nutritionist to "learn" how to eat like a thin person... which is truly enlightening. I think I've learned some good rules - but I don't know if you can truly retrain your brain - or if you CAN, it must take longer than I've given it thus far.

A few months into 2007, my weight loss came to a screeching hault. I still had the same complaint to my doctor ---- I was doing everything I was suppose to be doing MOST of the time and now I was just losing VERY little, if anything, each week. He decided he wanted to prescribe me an appetite supressant to try short term, to give me a "kick start". So, as much as hated this --- here I am on drugs again --- buuuuuuuuuuuuuut this one actually WORKED! It's called phentermine (yes, one of the "phens" in phen-fen" --- however, the SAFE one!) . You can't stay on it long term... but I definetely enjoyed the time I had it. With it, I was just not hungry. I lost interest in what I was eating half way through and do not feel the need to snack AT ALL. The only side-effect I had was cotton mouth, which turns out to be a blessing in disguise, bc I began doing MUCH better with the required water intake!

As of today: September 20, 2007, I am 40lbs. down from my starting weight. I suppose that is nothing to complain about - but what a long weary road it's been at times!!!!!! I am not complaining, bc had I not been doing what I was doing, I very well might be 40lbs. heavier!!! But I'd like to lose another 40 before our wedding!!!!! So, it sure has been a blessing that I joined COMP when I did... I've just resigned myself to the fact that I am just a "turtle" as they say, when it comes to weight loss.... Hi, my name is Jessica Slowski! haha!!!

HOPES FOR THE FUTURE:

I want to be healthy and happy with who I see looking back at me in the mirror. But talking numbers, I think that will be somewhere in the 160's........... As it says in the title of this blog: I am along on this journey of finding Jessica. I know she is in here somewhere DYING to be seen! Hopefully sooner than later the outer exterior that hides her will melt away and she will be seen!

Virtual me

This was fun!!!!! Go to www.virtualmodel.com and you can make a VIRTUAL YOU to dress up and play with! :) Change your hair, adjust your body, etc.. etc.. Although it's not made for the purpose of which I used it. I created a model and then changed her weight to show a VIRTUAL journey from my start to HOPEFULLY my finish......... Check it out:

Here is the virtual me at my highest weight:




































This is the virtual me at my wedding goal weight:
















































This is the virtual me - halfway to my goal weight:














































This is the virtual me - AT MY GOAL WEIGHT!:

August update!

It's SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO exciting that people are really starting to notice and comment on my weight loss!!!! It is September and I'm proud to say that I've FINALLY hit 40lbs. off - since beginning this journey! WOOOO HOOOO! I know 50lbs. off will be even sweeter, but 40 feels damn good too!

Granted, I have a lot more to lose, I want to lose 70 before my wedding next August. But I am happy with my progress and recently have been re-energized with getting back to school and having a REAL schedule again.

Here are my most recent "before" and "during" shots (I'm not saying after till I'm at goal!)... they are in the right clothes --- but we took them on vacation, so don't mind the scenery!